Innovative Inventions for Imbeciles

Written by – Sami Chowdhary

Mumbai is the city of dreams which is ironically also known as the City that never Sleeps. The sleeplessness comes from the long hours spent in traffic. Let’s face it, traffic in Mumbai is a death trap. There’s several ways to travel around the city. Both Public and Private transport services have begun to crowd the city causing chaos and people running late everyday. The city has a variety of things to offer for Weekend enthusiasts, but for a person living in Andheri, a fun night-out in Colaba sounds like a nightmare. However, L&T, the company behind Mumbai Metro, has decided to make life easier for us. In the start of 2019, L&T’s project of running Speed Boats from Bandra to South Bombay was accepted by the Chief Minister, who also offered to fund 40% of the project. Yes, you heard it right. A speed boat from Bandra will take us to South Bombay in just 8 minutes. Start making plans with your friends who live in South Bombay because they aren’t too far now.

The prices will be as low as 40 rupees, and the boat has the capacity to carry 25 passengers at once. The question still remains, do you have the capacity to take a joke? You wish you could go meet your girlfriend-boyfriend within just 8 minutes or have that late night snack at Bade Mia. As much as I’d want that, it isn’t true.

Human inventions have come a long way over the past decade with a revolutionary change almost every year. 10-15 years ago, we bid our goodbyes to hopelessly asking for a ride in the brutal streets of India, no one would’ve ever thought of getting public transportation right outside your doorstep by just a click. All of the data we used to store in thick hared-drives is all up in the cloud now. We have started to unlock our phones with a millisecond stare, lagging while playing online games is as non-existent as Blackberry phones. Here are some “April fools” inventions that almost convinced us with their confidence:

Many of the major companies have been trying to cater to our needs by bringing simplicity and convenience in their services.

Owing to time constraints, watching TV shows has become a task, but not since 2016 when the mobile network giant T-mobile launched their “Binge on Up” which is basically a headgear that holds your phone and allows it to settle right in front of your eyes while you do, well, whatever the F$#k you want. Imagine jogging down the streets while watching Gangs of Wasseypur while swinging your hands to freedom. Who needs pumped-up music anymore?

Samsung is a company that we see in every household in India. Whether it’s their edgy phones, TVs, refrigerators or even Washing Machines, everyone sings Samsung. However, due to numerous competitors coming in the tech business, Samsung decided to one-up their game by introducing a “Kitchen Knife”. To be precise, a “Smart” kitchen knife was launched by Samsung in 2015 loaded with all the features of a Galaxy s6. It has sensors that avoid skin contact. From posting an aesthetic photo of your food while chopping onions finely, Samsung has got us covered. It is almost unreal but true.

With these unbelievable inventions coming right at us, I don’t think that that day is far when we’ll have a “Smart” Pencil. But wait, didn’t Apple already come out with one? SurREAL

Google, GOD, Google. The answer to every question ever asked in history of human existence. Even if we google something that minutely describes what we’re looking for, like an annoying kid, google will have an answer. On March 31st, Google launched a Self-driving bicycle that will take you anywhere and everywhere. Their explanation to this unusual invention was that we could call the cycle to our pick-up spot and even work while riding it, because technically you aren’t moving a muscle, the cycle does the job. In their advert they even showed 2 toddlers sitting in one the self driving cycles and touring the city while their carefree parents are enjoying each bit of it. Sounds creatively useful but also crazy right!

It will be fun to watch one of these inventions turn into reality but oh well! Let’s hope this April Fools company’s come up with something better and more convincing. Until then, buckle up your seat belts and trust NO ONE this April fools.

Happy April Fools’ Day!

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